The Adventures of Fox Staubest! - Part II
Gary lunges across the table and grabs the scuba speargun - loaded with a razor sharp detono-blade. But the robotic pterodactyl machine swoops down, its claws tear Gary's shirt just barely missing his arm! Across the rocky open field the evil scientist, Rash Behindend, laughs uncontrollably while manipulating the pterodactyl's remote control pad. Gary gets the last of the tight ropes loose from his legs and readies the fully charged speargun. As the pterodactyl begins to swoop again he gets up to his knees and briefly notices that his arm is bleeding, and that it's about 67° F, winds are coming out of the southeast at 6 knots, the rocky soil is mostly basalt, and that a small butterfly is drifting by.

Just as the deadly flying robot extends its ginsu-like claws Gary kicks over the table just in front of it, steadies the speargun and fires! The pterodactyl shrieks as the detono-blade blasts into its leathery neck. Flash!, sputter!, spark! ...The evil scientist grasps desperately at the unresponsive remote control pad as the pterodactyl falls to earth. Gary pulls out his (Swiss made) secret agent pocket knife and runs to the robot just as it crashes. He flips the knife open and lights its built-in welding torch. The scientist throws down the remote control in a panic and opens the large wooden box beside him. Gary places the lit torch between his teeth and quickly reconnects and reroutes the pterodactyl's sophisticated internal wiring, which is just child's play to him, welding with one hand and his teeth while the other hand enters new commands into the small keypad.

In about 10 seconds, Rash has an extended clip Uzi sub-machine gun in one hand and a large anti-aircraft rocket launcher in the other readied and he's removing the last safety just as Gary finishes welding and the robot's eyes light up indicating that it's come back to life. Rash prepares to fire on Gary just as the robot lifts off, its head scans back and forth - then it locks on - shrieking and extending its claws in the direction of its new target - the bad, evil scientist who had created it! Gary taps a code into his watch and begins to grab up and retie the ropes into a long lasso.

Meanwhile - half a continent away - Jorge is just going off a water-ski jump, doing a perfect spin in mid-air, when his own secret agent watch begins beeping. He quickly rounds two more buoys (which really impresses the chicks onshore) while tapping in his code to receive the satellite bounced message. Not wasting a moment he spots a young female parasailing water-skier who is just about to lift off the water - he skis toward her and logs in his GPS position and relative altitudinal adjustment along with reservations for dinner in New York City. She is stunned as Jorge comes alongside, hands her his wine cooler and skillfully changes ropes with her. Jorge smoothly begins to lift into the air, clamps a mountaineering harness to the rope and brushes his hair back just so (which again ... really impresses the chicks onshore). Climbing higher Jorge presses more buttons to notify NORAD command that he requires an immediate low altitude rendezvous with a refueling plane and a fully armed specially equipped F-18.

Now above the lake he steers the parasail towards a small seaplane, reclamps his harness to a strut, grabs on and lets the rope fall. The pilot of the small craft lazily begins a turn over the lake when Jorge reaches the cockpit. He pulls his official ID card out of his swim trunks but covers the front since its very existence is top secret. He must temporarily utilize his plane - official business. Jorge grabs the controls and rams the throttle forward. When the pilot protests Jorge grabs the man's shoulder and administers a tenth level kung fu black belt nerve pinch which temporarily disables him. But don't worry, he'll be fine later.

The smoldering remains of the ill-fated pterodactyl and the expended rocket launcher and machine-gun lay far behind as Rash jumps into his waiting lime green Porsche 911 turbo Carrera and speeds off down the gravel road. But he makes one serious error - because it's a sunny day he opens his sunroof while shifting into third gear. He careens down the hillside and round a corner out of sight. Gary, who hasn't eaten in 4 days is a little winded but runs straight down the hillside instinctively dodging brush and small furry animals. As he gets to the road below he already has his lasso spinning above his head. He throws it over the top of the tall Douglas Fir on the other side and ties the end onto a fallen log beside him. Within moments Rash's speeding car comes round the bend. Gary is ready with a long uprooted sapling by his side; he pulls the rope taut like a giant slingshot loads a large piece of basalt into it and fires. Rash slows down and swerves to miss. Gary uses the sapling to pole vault into the open sunroof and begins wrestling for control of the steering wheel. As they tussle and swerve they barely miss a fully loaded logging truck with a beer bellied drunk driver in T-shirt and jeans who passes going the other way on the narrow mountain road. Rash pops open the middle of the steering wheel and begins punching in the self-destruct sequence and for a driver-only eject sequence. By the time Gary gets his seat belt fastened it is too late to stop the deadly commands!

Far away in London - Fox Staubest sits in a boring top secret Scotland Yard briefing on the newest mortal threat to world peace. Without betraying emotion he is concerned about the messages flashing up on his secret agent watch but he is confident that Jorge will arrive in time to aid Gary's escape a couple thousand miles away from him and if possible to finally capture the notorious Dr. Behindend. A Government aid passes around a 20 page long report. Staubest temporarily lifts the spread of top secret papers to reveal 3 daily crossword puzzles, from the London, New York, and LA Times, quickly fills in one word each, scans the clues for the next 3 then quietly lowers the top secret papers back down. Fox yawns and pours some more coffee into his cup.

Part III  >>